A man is not one who possesses high levels of male hormones, but one who knows how to control them. Not possessing the ability to control oneself is called being a “male,” as well as specimens of same sex in other species of living beings. Men are not born, males are born. It is possible to become a man only as a result of self-education and working on oneself. There are some people who live all their life as a male, never becoming a man. In this chapter we shall learn to work on ourselves.
The offered approach is multilevel. It will help youth to cope with certain problems, which, unfortunately, do not let go of many even after the wedding. For this reason, our advices will be helpful to married people also.
Examples of the practical benefits of the controlling ejaculation:
- Saving life power that allows proper physical, mental and intellectual development.
- Preserving health for every year of life given by God.
- A way to protect yourself from the temptation to commit a sex crime or from lechery.
- A way to prepare yourself for the perfect relationship with your wife. The ability of a man to control himself will help women enjoy intimacy with him.
Generic prevention of unnecessary2 ejaculation
1. Working with the thoughts. (It's clear that anyone can pick up on logical arguments closest to him. I give only an approximate line of thought.) Each portion of the seed coming out is a colossal loss of vital substances and trace elements, and most importantly is a huge loss of energy. A man who turns off the lights when going to sleep saves electric energy. Why? Because he pays for it! A man who spends a seed in vain forgets that he had to earn money to buy and cook food for the production of this seed. And then the whole body is involved in digesting the food, assimilating it, the blood carries the distributes elements to all the cells of the organism, the cells produce energy. The energy, which goes to the production of seed. How a man, who saves electric energy, squander the vital energy of his own body, which cost him much more? Does the repeated loss of energy, which leads to early aging of the organism and to an early death? The sages of Israel carefully guarded their seed, and it is not by chance that they lived long and enjoyed good health and bright intellect for many years.
2. Working with the fantasies. As mentioned above, after puberty sex hormones begin to flow into the blood. They are spread throughout the body by the bloodstream and, in particular, reach the brain. The brain begins to produce sexual fantasies under the influence of sex hormones. But fantasies need a “living material,” and the eyes look for it in the surrounding area. Further, these fantasies push people to implement action (which is, in most cases, either lechery or crimes of a sexual nature), or to ejaculate in vain for temporary (just temporary!) quieting of these fantasies. The Torah warns about this in the commandment about tzitzit, saying, “...and that ye seek not after your own heart and your own eyes, after which ye use to go a whoring.” First the Torah says “heart.” What is in the heart? Desires and fantasies. And then the Torah says “eyes.” In other words, the searching for an object in the outside world that can satisfy these dreams. The control of the imagination is also addressed in the tenth commandment sounded at the foot of Sinai, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife.” This means that it is forbidden to imagine yourself in the arms of another man's wife.
There are two basic ways to work with your own imagination: the switching on the mind and the directed continuation of imaginary play.
I'll give some examples of switching on the mind. Here's an example from the Torah. “And it (the blue thread) shall be unto you for a fringe (tzitzit), that ye may look upon it, and remember all the commandments of the LORD, and do them; and that ye seek not after your own heart and your own eyes, after which ye use to go a whoring.” Here's how it works. Tzitzits must be at the four edges of the man's clothes as a symbol of the four cardinal points. Wherever a man looks, a tzitzit must catch his eye so that it will divert his thoughts towards God's commandments and will distract him from empty dreams. Another method of switching suggested by the Jewish sages is upon seeing a beautiful woman, to bless God who created her. Pronouncing sentence beginning with the words, “Blessed are You, God...” as it turns on a man's awareness of the Creator's presence. And it leads to the next logical analysis. “There is God, and He forbids one thing, but allows another. In terms of the total Correction of the World, if what I've now imagined up will come to realization, is it good or bad?” Another method of switching is described in the book “Torat ha-Sehel.” We must ask ourselves, “And what is beautiful in her? What exactly about her excited me? And what is true beauty?” The essence of this technique is simple. When you start to “disassemble something to its basic parts,” the fragrance of charm goes away.
The second way of working with the imagination is a directed continuation of the fantasy. Erotic dreams usually end in an imaginary sex act in which “he gets all he wanted.” In real life, the sustained efforts of both spouses are necessary to achieve harmony in the sexual sphere. No one invests the soul into a casual relationships, and therefore the full satisfaction will not be received in any case. Now you need only to replace “a perfect act” in your imagination with a picture of the coming dissatisfaction. Moreover, in these fantasies the sex act ends everything, but in the real world it is not so. Real people remain with whom the continuing communications was not included in the plans. New problems are appearing. Note that most rapists were not planning to kill their future victims, but rather they did it out of fear of punishment for the already-committed rape... Thus, while controlling your imagination, you can imagine that you not only received less pleasure, but also that dealing with danger will present a problem.
Working on controlling the imagination is very difficult for anyone, but it is the most important, and its results are felt very quickly. Chasidism teaches that one who wins every battle with his imagination, and therefore does not commit hasty acts, is worthy to be called a good man, but one who managed to win the whole war is called righteous.
3. Working with the energy of the body. During sexual arousal, a large amount of energy is accumulated at the underbelly and is longing to get out through the penis. At this moment it is best (closing the eyes for convenience) to imagine the underbelly as the bottom of a waterproof vessel and begin to pull the energy from the bottom of this vessel through the waist and up the back up to the head. At first, the sensation of pulling energy up seem more imaginary than real. But after some time (note that one rarely obtains it on the first try) the man will feel strong pressure in the skull. Feeling the pressure means that the energy has reached the head. This sensation is unpleasant (head seems to be brimmed), and staying in this state long is dangerous, especially for people with high fragility of blood vessels. The energy should be immediately “dumped” from the head downward along the front line. Two central stations and two intermediate ones can be marked out on this way of the energy. The central ones are the heart and the underbelly in front. The intermediate ones are the throat and the navel. The central stations differ from the intermediate ones by an ability to hold more energy and to derive it from the body. Directing the energy downward, you can help yourself by using your hands, firstly, like as if brushing it onto the ground. You should not be afraid if the discomfort in the head has not ceased immediately because it will take a few minutes. Then a peculiar feeling in area of the solar plexus will appear. Like the light from the sun, the energy will flow from it in all directions, and there will be feeling of inner power. After this, the energy can be sent down to the small pelvic area. And once again the feeling at the underbelly will be similar to feeling of sexual drive, but not as strong as is was at first. If you drive the energy up and down again, the feeling will become even weaker, and the whole body will get energy supplied. For young men whose wedding is not soon, I recommend lowering the energy down and driving it around in a circle: upwards along the back line, downwards along the front line. It is good not only for the growing organism and developing personality, but also for the future harmony with one's wife, because she will be involved in this circle of movement of the energy (we'll talk about this below in detail). For young men preparing for marriage, it is better to accumulate energy in area of the heart, because the man “glues” to his wife just by the heart (this will be below also).
4. Physical exercises. At the time of puberty, the muscle tone of the reproductive system of a youth is the highest in his lifetime without any extra efforts on his part. But it will not be so for long. Soon enough, the muscles will begin to weaken, their strength leaving. The suggested exercises are very simple. Their value is not perceivable at a young age, but its awareness comes while growing older and aging. These exercises will help you:
a) learning how to manage the individual muscles that will be useful for one's future sex life;
b) preserves a man's strength for a long time.
Exercise 1. Do not urinate in a sitting position, even during the excretion of feces. This exercise will help to give focused control of the urethral sphincter.
Exercise 2. In the standing or lying position, move your buttocks apart with your hands. Return the buttocks to the starting position by squeezing the buttocks together, while creating resistance with your hands (10–20 times).
Exercise 3. “Scissors.” Lie on your back. Lift your legs, without bending the knees, at a 30–45° angle from the ground. Spread your legs as far as you can to the sides, and then bring them back and cross them in the air (15–20 times). Exercises 2 and 3 help to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles.
Exercise 4. Standing position, feet shoulder width apart. While inhaling, pull the testicles upwards as far as possible. While exhaling, relax the muscles. Do not perform this exercise more than 5 times. This exercise strengthens the Pubococcygeus muscle and is helps prevent inguinal hernias. In addition, a hanging scrotum is a sign of senility and sexual weakness, but a strong one tucked up to the body is a sign of youth and male power.
These exercises are good for men of any age, but the sooner they start practicing, the greater the effect that can be expected.
- Ejaculation is necessary for family relationships when the goal is to conceive a child. A man can get sexual pleasure without ejaculation (this will be discussed in the second half of the book).